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THE
PARENTAL
AWARENESS
When a person becomes a parent, the first thing that comes to mind is for his or
her offspring(s) to do very well in life. In such conviction many parents tend
to overlook two very vital set-backs in a child’s life. (a) Hereditary and (b)
Comparison. For those of us whose education could not go high
- due to unavoidable circumstance,
- our offsprings become to us the
perfect gap filler.
1.
The child must fulfil every wishes that we could not fulfil in life
- High marks, acquisition of
respect, university education enviable job and success story not compare to
anyone of his/her age group.
2.
For those of us with higher educational qualifications, the offsprings
target must march ours and beyond otherwise the child will be seen as a failure
in life in our eyes
3.
What many parents forget is the fact that the children we bring all have
at least some of our own characteristics because they come from our bloods.
Despite the fact the child may have better facilities in furthering his or her
education of progressive programmes, hereditary aspect taken from us will be
hard to shake off and offsprings take more of the loose ends of our nature than
the brighter side of it. If we were dull and our kids take that part, then we
are in trouble and if we are bright and the kids take that aspect then we are
into something good. But that is not ALWAYS the same. Every human has his/her
own progressive characteristics of very good side as well as the bad sides.
4.
The parent and I mean every parent would wish with all his/her heart that
the offsprings take the bright sides only. This can be done when the newly
married parents become aware of these two vital set-backs before embarking on
producing children. Having observed the kids from infancy or noticed the child’s
progress in adolescent stage you must observe certain habits of the child that
you yourself did at the kids age and mark them down. Compile them and
diplomatically talk the child out of it. Screaming with insult will rather make
matters worse.
5.
When the child fails to do well in school, when the child occasionally
behaves badly, when the child occasionally tells lies, none of which you did at
his/her age, never compare yourself to the child “My marks at school was good,
I
never failed my exams, I never tell lies, you are
hopeless why can’t you be just like me” and so on kinds of outbursts are the
most damaging interference of the child’s progress, indeed. Further outburst
will draw the child further into emptiness.
6.
In not recognising those initial drawbacks, a sort of psychological
pressure is put on the child from the very beginning of his/her adolescent life.
And every human being under pressure needs to find a way out. And in this our
modern times “way outs are many”. The commonest is the drugs taking. After
taking this the child’s mind will relax, away from deep thinking of filling gaps
of parental failures or the Respected parents aspiration. Another form
of relaxation is the open rebellion. The
mind has already anticipated the outcome of any mishaps on his/her part
- outrageous remarks, screaming or
tacit rejection
- and so has prepared for it.
The next step is to leave home. The
frustrated parent will blame the child but it is definitely not the child’s
fault but the parents. Some of our kids have already reached that crossroad but
can be brought back to sane existence if the bold parent will begin putting the
following into practise. Converse with the child on things of his/her mind and
politely talk him/her out of it. Show him/her religious films, books and
examples of kids who have gone down that road and gutted in decaying oblivion.
Take child to the walk sides from time to time to see for him/herself the harm
of unprotected and unguided life (the side walks being drug addicts,
rehabilitation centres, hungry child of troubled parents, pregnated teenagers,
boys in Borstal homes etc which due to modern technology have all been captured
on videos. Remarks on a teenagers appearance (dresswise is very essential in
guiding a child to prosperous life. Nasty remarks on a teenagers dressing
- when you yourself bought the
dress for the child
- is not only funny but outright act of
ignorancy. If every thing a child does displeases you so much then stop
commenting on her behaviour and let some one else do the commenting. Because
there is nothing like a hundred percent bad child from the beginning. That can
be attained when nothing is done about the fifty-six percent bad habits eating
into the remaining 40% or so percent. “Oh this dress is very smashing, oh how I
wish you have worn it in this way” (remembering your own careless ways of
yesterday). If a child receives mixture of both (praise and condemnation) from
time to time the child will learn how to take and obey both). Children, every
parent must know, copy very fast. If you don’t want a child to drink (alcohol)
don’t drink in his/her presence. Never kiss each other (passionately) in the
child’s presence and don’t hurriedly dispatch a teenaged offspring to bed.
He/she would be speculating on the reason for the rush and any moment he/she
comes in contact with what parents do at night, he/she would wish to try it.
Know that the moment that you become parents of teenaged kids (13-20) your own
sex lives reduces to that of”normality”. Passionate rush ceases unless the kids
are not at home. Every behaviour must have no speculative question. When you
argue, shout and slander each other in a child’s presence know that that “hot
blood” in you causing the outbursts, has its own carbon copy right besides you.
If you don’t like your offspring to be rowdy or rude, don’t be so in his /her
presence. Do everything possible to release any “unseen” pressure off your
child. If he/she fails in exams, assure him/her of better results next time.
Promise to help him/her next time with prayers and extra teacher. Tell the child
not to take the blame but Satan. Tell the child, he/she is stronger than Satan
because God said so (if possible with bible quote Gen. 1:27-
).
On that day of poor result, be extra nice to the kids. Buy him/her presents with
“you, see, this is a gift for you for taking part in the exam”. I know you will
do well next time if both of us work hard. Keep your promise to your child.
Never say one thing and do another to a child
-
if you do, he/she will surely copy you.
Never discuss about other grown ups in a teenager’s presence. If y~u do, the
child will take sides by showing disrespectfulness to the person if he/she knows
the person.
Everything you detest that a child would
love to do, please just politely talk the child out of it with vivid examples.
Children from 13 years onwards are in stage of fantasy. Everything to them must
be experimented. Frightening threats will confuse the child who will love to
seek assurance, comfort and solution from another channel. And that is the
beginning of the end of the child constructive progress. All other things that
leads a child into a progressive citizenry
of society and the Faith comes naturally
if the parents apply these very brief initiatives. We shall talk again about
this, if God permists and another opportunity like this comes. |
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